The Wayist minister got up after the service and announced to the people:"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
Because they have no attachments.
Two men meet on the street.
One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
The other one replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I don't know. But apparently it's better than sitting around and doing nothing!"
This fellow climbing a mountain suddenly slips off the edge of a cliff. As he falls all he can think is, "Oh my Lord, I don't want to die!" when a protruding branch breaks his fall and he grabs on.
After an hour or so pondering Divine intervention, he was exhausted. Looking up to the heavens he cried out, "Lord, help me, please, help me."
All of a sudden the clouds parted and a voice boomed out from on high. "This is your Lord Avalokitesvara, Let Go!" said the voice.
The fellow paused, looked down the cliff side, and looked up at heaven once more, then said: "Is there anyone else up there?"
The Zen Monk ponders what to give his nephew as a birthday gift.
He decided to give him nothing wrapped in emptiness.
The nephew, indignant responded, "You are thoughtless for giving me such a gift"
Well flattered, said the monk, "Thank you"
This may not be funny to you, but if you want to greatly amuse your Islamist neighbor, tell him these Wayist things are your spiritual truths:
- "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you..." Jesus
- "Blessed are you when you are hated and persecuted." Jesus
- "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." Buddha
- "Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule." Buddha
- "The three most important qualities a soul must have are humility, simplicity and compassion, nothing else is as important." Book WAYISM
- "He who does not trust enough, Will not be trusted." LaoTze
- "Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses." LaoTze
A mother was preparing pancakes for her boys, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, he would say,
"Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait."'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
'Ryan, you be Jesus!'
A little boy attended his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him,"How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly, "How do you know that?"
"Easy," said the boy, "Do the math, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
What if this Spiritual Awakening stuff is all a hoax and all we succeed in doing is to make our lives more peaceful and joyous?
Have you heard of the dyslexic cow who attained liberation?
It kept on repeating OOOOMM !
“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.” --George Burns
When asked what his thoughts were on Western civilization, Mahatma Gandhi said, "I think it would be a good idea."
"Dear Lord, protect me from your followers!"
ENLIGHTENMENT TEST - see how you score
If you can live without caffeine,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him or her,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, gender preference, or politics,
--Then you have almost reached the same level of spiritual development as your dog.